Skirt chaser

I have wanted to look good in higher-waist skirts for as long as they came into "style." I do not have abs of steel, however, so I only look decent in those skirts at the most. When I finally did tone down (I promise there's a point to this) I was able to tuck shirts in and make a really cute outfit. I finally achieved what I waited 2 months for. Well, I didn't just wait; I had to run my ass off. I wasn't really sure why I wasn't as into that look as I thought I would be.

Fast forward.

Isn't it weird how much we really, really want something only to be amused momentarily? It's nothing less than exhilarating to work (hard?) for something important to you. The goal-acquisition process is nothing short of challenging but the whole endeavor is often a journey of its own. It's great to look back on, but once you've achieved it--what next?

Why are so many then-struggling now-famous actors and actresses boozing and coking away their lives only to end up bored and suicidal?

Are we really only attracted to the thrill of the chase and the possibility of not making it? Transitively, did that mean I was attracted to drama? It's a terrible thought because as animated as I am, I hate bringing the d-rama into everyday life, much less my closet.
[And fyi: my outfits are only filled with drama around the same time every year... factor in the days when I am pissed off or tired. I try to make it work but really, a pissy mood will ruin any outfit. I promise. You start wearing a frown and pout everywhere and nobody notices the new Via Spigas you're wearing.]

If the above were true and we are, for the most part, closet (or open) goal-oriented drama queens/kings, then how would be remotely possible to remain satisfied? If The Matrix was right and the question truly drives us, then what happens once the question has been answered? What comes after goal acquisition? Goal satisfaction? I mean, I admit, I did parade myself around in my high waist skirt outfit for a while because I really liked it. Then it got old and I no longer liked it.

I thought about two reasons: either the high waist skirt thing was just way overblown and I overexcited myself (meaning the end goal wasn't really all that and a side of fries) OR I have a seemingly chronic disatisfaction with life once I've gotten what I wanted.

Being the optimist, I chose the former. I thought about it and gave myself several other goals. I am currently happy that I was able to pair those odd giraffe-print pumps from Nine West with other human-like things from my closet. I am currently satisfied with my position as Editor in Chief. I am beyond excited about the grant I received and worked hard to get. But regarding things closer to me, I'm afraid my predicament worsens.

Why am I not happy with something that I thought would really put the icing on the cake? If I feel this weird about something I think I want, how would that translate to career aspirations and you know, that thing... the rest of my life? If I am so off the radar with what I think makes me happy (a small thing like a high waist skirt on my ever-so-small frame), how am I ever going to figure out the bigger things?

Take a womanizer: he is on edge when he is about to make a conquest, but once conquered, he feels unchallenged and unstimulated. He's bound for the next and only momentarily enjoys the last victory. How many challenges more until he's tired? Until he's satisfied? Until he develops erectile dysfunction? Is he going to go on chasing skirts? Do I go on chasing goals instead of enjoying them?

I spent a long time debating, ranting, lecturing, and arguing a perspective that I thought I would be able to maintain over time. I thought I would want something enough to ask another to work hard on it with me. But now that it's mine it suddenly feels a little tight, a little ill-fitting, and a little wrong. Sad to say but I feel like it's turned into yet another high waisted skirt.