Relationship shopper

Below is an analogy in progress...


Can I have my boyfriend six feet and an econ major?

I have been a serial dater for as long as I can remember. Comments like, "Yes, I'm single," or "No, we're just seeing each other" were frequently coming out of my mouth. I have started to see dating as something comparable to shoe shopping. Both goals require a hierarchy of sub-goals and the whole experience is filled with a series of planned actions and unexpected consequences. When we go out shopping for shoes, we usually have a pair in mind that we're looking for. For girls, there's that ultimate pair that makes us feel sexy.

The shoe exploration starts out first with the kind of shoe you want. Are you looking for crazy pumps for a night out with your girls or do you need a pair of comfortable flats that will last you for a while? The kind of shoe you're looking for takes you to specific shoe stores. You won't go looking for sexy kitten heels at The Walking Company, would you? (The answer is no.)

Now, you get to the store and you're faced with a collection of shoes. You want something attractive but you want to be able to wear it more than once (or not). How adventurous are you when it comes to a pair? If you're only allotted a given sum of money, do you spend your waiting tips on a mini-collection of shoes, or do you splurge on a pair of designer heels? Likewise, if you had the chance, do you get with as many as you can, or do you go for one guy at a time?

Choosing a shoe is ultimately like choosing a partner. From a girl's perspective, we normally choose the shoe that fits. But if the shoe doesn't fit, we make it work - especially if it's 20 percent off. Needs and wants become muddled when many women are vying for the pair you just tried on during the end-of-season clearance. If it doesn't fit completely, it'll fit one day. The shoe can be a half-size too small or a little too big. But there are heel cushions and Band Aids.

Many women settle for the next-best option. Although we had planned to buy those red patent leather five-inch platform heels, we don't feel too bad walking out with the brown suede slingbacks. They're still hot and we know we'd wear them for a while. Bottom line? We're still happy with what we got.

But what if you don't settle for the next-best option? What if you call every store in the greater Chicagoland area until you find the store that has your size? What if you even go to eBay in hopes that some seller has hoarded the pair that's just right for you? In that case, you're not making your toes bleed because you ended up purchasing the pair that's a half-size too small or too narrow. You didn't spend your hard-earned money on the suede slingbacks that didn't catch your eye the first time around. In this case, you got what you want.

Well, there might be times that the suede slingbacks might come to the rescue when nothing else in your shoe rack seems to match that crazy outfit you put together. And maybe, at the end of the day, it might have turned out to be the pair you were looking for all along.

Dating and shoe-shopping, albeit two different activities, share similar characteristics. We all want to find "the one" eventually, but settling for "the one right now" or "the one just for tonight" is entirely dependent on the individual's needs, wants, and expectations.

From the Chicago Flame, April 27 2009