Thoughts

I'm seriously exhausted. Initially, I was tired of the bullshit that accompanies "playing" around. As alluring as the notion seems, it really is a lot of work maintaining a constant band of available, dependable, and enjoyable fuck buddies or friends with benefits. I just got sick of the overall inconsistency and the cycle of waxing and waning infatuation.

So I thought, "Great, now is my chance to look for change, to learn how to take someone seriously and care about them, and have them do the same for me."

In my efforts to do so I was met with a few obstacles:

1. The guys I looked for when dicking around (no pun intended) were not the same guys I should have been looking for if I so desired this "change."
2. My band of potential candidates drastically decreased as I tried to eliminate all but those I could actually take seriously.
3. The one I ended up liking is not near the commitment level I am seeking.
4. I'm feeling something's off.

I am so done with this uncertainty and the laissez-faire system of dating. I'm ready to get serious and make some commitments. I need to know if the other party is ready for that so I know what I'm getting myself into.

I escape from the games of casual dating to find myself in a deeper mess of mind games when feelings are on the line. Yes, I'm overthinking this. But if you can't handle the thought I put into this, then I suppose you're not worth more than even a passing thought.